3/12/22
Picture the scene. A school hall sometime in the 1980’s, teenage girls sit cross legged on the floor, seniors on chairs behind. The twice weekly ritual of school assembly, hymns followed by our headmistress, a fearsome spinster who goes through the announcements, awards debits and merits, before giving us short, inspirational, oratory.
In my five years of senior school I must have sat through 200 assemblies, I remember only one. I don’t think I fully understood the meaning at the time but it stayed with me, I played it over in my mind and eventually it became clear. This tale told to a reluctant teenager has made a difference throughout my life and especially now.
Over the years it has become a little hazy but it went something like this.
‘A boy kept and bred moths. He watched them hatch into adults, he fed them and cared for them, watching them with endless fascination. The adult moths would sometimes take several days to emerge from their chrysalis, a frustratingly slow process to watch and evidently a fight for the moth. Eventually they emerged, slightly exhausted to open their wings for the first time, rest and recover before flight. The boy watched this process numerous times before deciding one day to ‘help’ one moth from it’s chrysalis. Carefully he used a scalpel to to cut though the casing, it split in two allowing the moth to emerge with little effort. The boy watched as the moth tried to spread it’s wings and become the beautiful imago it was destined to be. Only the moth struggled, it never thrived, it never made a complete and healthy adult.’
Teenage me was bewildered by this, but adult me knows that sometimes you need that effort, that fight, to become whole. It is this that makes us strong. You think that taking the shortcut or the easy option is going to help, sometimes it doesn’t, we too fail to thrive. We sometimes imagine other people or institutions should help us, make our life easier but this can be illusionary.
Often the fight is where the victory begins, we learn, we battle and sometimes win.
We watch this in children, parents learn to be hands off, they understand that children need to fall off their bikes, take the odd tumble or mispronounce a word. The inevitable joy when they achieve a goal unaided is unmistakeable. Maybe as adults we forget this source of happiness?
I am not saying we should not ask for help sometimes or indeed offer it, after all, no man is an island. I am advocating for taking challenges that are out of our comfort zone and seeing what rewards we may earn.
I have found myself very decidedly out of my comfort zone, but, by learning about my condition, the drugs that mitigate the drugs and how to manage my own body I am getting those little dopamine hits. I am stronger than I was and know that whatever life throws at me, I am up for the challenge. I have learnt when asking for help is appropriate and when the professionals have the answers I seek.
Thank you distant headmistress, you do not know what seeds were sown.
Such a powerful piece. You are an inspiration. Sending much love x