30/1/23
Post chemo
The chemo is taking longer to recover from than I would like, there is that old chestnut ‘desire’ causing unhappiness again. So no matter how discomforting, I need to face the reality. I have had 6 doses of very toxic chemicals that have affected every part of my body, I am now undergoing radiotherapy, more damage. This is going to take time, some folks say 6 months, some longer. I need to be a little patient. Sometimes I find it hard to accept that in six months I have gone from ‘fit as a fiddle’ to this. The healing process is as much mental, as it is physical.
My muscles have been aching pretty much all the time, when I exercised it felt as though something might break, I am having to ease my body back to flexibility, each day, coaxing my muscles into doing a little more. My energy levels and cardio fitness are much diminished but again, every day I regain some ground, today I surprised myself by running up the stairs. The chemo has sent me into menopause, the hormonal changes now need to be factored in. It is difficult to pick out where my symptoms come from at the moment. I am not giving in though.
The course of Omeprazole is now finished and the silent reflux is back. I now have to do what I can to restore my gut health, all the fun stuff, caffeine, alcohol etc mostly off the table, paying attention to what, how and when I eat. After quite some research I have discovered that one of the causes may, somewhat counterintuitively, be low stomach acid. Above a certain pH the sphincter closes to prevent any ingress into the oesophagus, I may not be producing enough acid to trigger this. It makes sense to me, all the antacids etc could be making it worse. I tried the burp test and failed, drink a glass of bicarb water, if you don’t burp in 3 minutes you have low acid. I am going to try some Betaine HCL supplements and in the mean time find out why I should be under producing acid.
I have a thin covering of soft hair over my ‘patch’, hat wearing is a given for the foreseeable future. People keep telling me how well I look, I am starting to believe them.
My expectations of chemo versus reality were somewhat different. I followed the regime of the Instagramer and did not get the same results. I am sure that all the things I did were beneficial and I’m certain I would be in a lot worse place without them. The fasting proved to be nigh on impossible, the steroids and my bodies need for healing nutrients were overwhelming. I found it hard to maintain my bodyweight at times. It illustrates how each of us responds to chemo differently.
Radiotherapy
I have now been zapped 4 times, apart from warmth and a little redness, my skin seems ok. It is difficult to differentiate any other effects from the chemo hangover. I am prepared that at the end of 3 weeks I could be feeling significantly worse. Disappointingly I will not glow in the dark or develop super powers, I think the movies lied.
The special skill you do need for radiotherapy is being able to lie on your back, half naked with your arms above your head in a chilly room for 15 minutes. That and being able to function at 6.20am, most of my appointments are 8.12 am!
The big machine that delivers the radiotherapy is a linear accelerator (see picture), a friend noted that it looks like an oversized Kenwood Chef, I tend to agree. If at any stage they bring out a giant whisk I will run for the hills.
The staff take great care (phew) to make sure that you are correctly positioned each time. There are lasers that line up on your torso registering on the tattooed dots and a calibrated line is projected on to your skin. The staff work in pairs, checking and double checking. I have a gel pad placed over my chest wall, this tricks the machine into thinking that my skin is slightly further away from my body, I lack any natural padding that would normally absorb some of the rays. Once you are in place they run away. Red lights are beamed down from the ceiling, if you move whilst the dose is being administered these stop the machine automatically, excellent failsafe.
They take photographs to begin with using a separate machine head, these are repeated every week or so, again to verify the positioning. The machine then rotates, the high power head lines up with your target area and delivers a carefully calibrated dose. There is much beeping and light dimming, it is painless at the time and just a bit weird. The staff check you again and the head of the machine is repositioned. I appear to be having the therapy in two positions across my chest wall and twice above my clavicle.
The dose is delivered in several sessions to allow your own cells to recover. I am having 15 doses, some folks have more or less. I will be very, very glad when process is complete.
Great video showing the machine and explaining the process better than me, I can now imagine the high powered electrons wizzing their way through the machine. This is high tech, cool end of cancer treatment that I imagined.