9/3/23
Answers…
It is gratifying that people have found themselves able to ask me personal and searching questions. Being open may have encouraged “questions you wanted to ask someone being treated for cancer but were too afraid to ask”. I’m going to do my best at answering the top 2 FAQ’s but please ask away, either in the comments section at the bottom, text, in person, carrier pigeon etc. No topic is off bounds.
Top question.
Are you now cured/what is the prognosis?
The logic of my treatment is that the surgery removed the primary tumours and the dodgy lymph nodes. I could, in theory, have called it quits there, had no further treatment, got on with the rest of my life, unbothered by it. Internally, I have a strong feeling that the surgery got it, this is just instinct, I know I have no scientific basis for this.
However, the fact that it had got to 13 of the 19 lymph nodes meant that there was a small chance that a few cancer cells had escaped. It was on this basis that I agreed to chemo and radiotherapy, very much a belt and braces type approach.
I have no secondaries, so, to all intents and purposes, as far as anyone knows, I am now cancer free.
There is the matter of the follow up phone consultation with my oncologist where further preventative hormonal medicine will be discussed. Breast cancer can reoccur, even years past the first event, particularly as many, like mine, are hormone driven. I will have to carefully weigh up the potential benefits against the possible side effects.
I will be asked to go for yearly mammograms, I am pushing for MRI’s. My lobular cancer was missed at the mammogram, this type so often is. If the NHS will not agree to this, I will have to pay for the screening myself. I will be checking myself frequently and keeping an eagle eye out for any other strange lumps and bumps.
Do you feel any less of a woman after your mastectomy?
This took some thought to answer, but in short, no. I will elucidate.
I still have one breast and with my prosthetic inside a bra you would not know, I still look and feel “womanly”. I may be exceptional in this, we all react individually. Many women, especially those more endowed than me, are deeply traumatised by the loss of one or both breasts. They see their breasts as part of their identity, I never have done. Reconstruction is an option for many, it can help them to feel normal. I have declined further surgery, I have begun to grow used to my ‘war wound’.
My hair loss was actually more profound in relation to my identity. It is comforting that I retained enough to look normalish in a hat. I am a pragmatist, had I lost more I would have dealt with it.
Dave does not love me or desire me any less because I have changed physically. He has been reluctant to touch me at times for fear of hurting me, I can understand this, some of my treatment has looked brutal. To him I am still a woman, his wife.
What makes me a woman on a basic level are my chromosomes. The xx that I was born with caused me to grow as a woman both physically and mentally. It is being a woman that in part caused my cancer, eostrogen feeding the little blighters!
I had the correct bits to bear and feed children, sadly this opportunity eluded me but nonetheless I had the potential. My chin, forehead and hip shape will identify me as female long after my flesh has gone.
Mentally I am probably quite balanced, I think I got a bit of ‘male chimp’ in there ;-) But. there are many traits I exhibit that are found more often in women, these are undeniable, instinctive and cannot be taught.
Being a women is complex, I know that I am one, others know that I am one and thankfully, I am no less of one with only one boob.
<3